i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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