I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
