C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He did a backflip because drugs
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
