come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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