Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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