I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
