Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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