My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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