His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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