Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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