I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Everyone says I win the strip club
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
