You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
