So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
i've created a new STD.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
