After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
