**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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