I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
