How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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