Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize