im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
