Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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