I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
