his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
