if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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