So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
