I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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