Please, let me fuck your mom
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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