i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
