When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
