I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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