Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
