I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
