I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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