I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
