I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
