i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
