I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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