mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Randomize
