Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize