i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
