How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
