does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
