Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
