I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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