I faked an abortion last night.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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