i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
