I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
