I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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