tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
