i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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