shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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