true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
