The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
