Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
