it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
