the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
