You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
