i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
