ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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