I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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