His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize