if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
