Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
