He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Too much gin, very little bucket
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
