i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i will never coherently bang her
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
