You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
