Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I have post one night stand depression
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
