I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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