So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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