Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Everclear isn't food dammit
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
