Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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