He is such a slut. More and more my type.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
