if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
