Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
